Patterns and themes...

This week I made a lot of progress with the second section of my book on grieving. Had to think things through, figure out themes emerging from years one and two following my husband's death. It has been difficult reading my journal entries from this time - stirred up those painful emotions of sorrow, abandonment, loss. I'd already identified many critical scenes, but had not yet figured out the patterns reflected in these scenes - keeping busy, filling the time so I wouldn't feel the pain of loss; meltdowns when I was crippled by my grief; isolation from others to sustain the magical thinking he was not really gone, forever. Next I searched for the ways I overcame these barriers - making changes to my physical environment; reconnecting socially; evoking difficult and painful emotions in a safe environment (through music, dreams); and at last seeking help. I feel empowered to write through my pain, and put the pieces of my grieving puzzle together.