Holiday Scramble

I've not posted in over a month - and have not written much either. Instead I've been caught up in the "holiday scramble." For me it begins with Thanksgiving; shopping, food preparation, and sharing the meal with friends and family. It's nonstop from there. Creating gifts, shopping at the holiday market for special hand crafted gifts, wrapping and mailing. Then there was the ten day trip to the east coast to visit my 92 year old mother, my sisters, and nephews. So now that the scramble is over - yeah! - I turn my attention to writing. I've jotted down several ideas for short stories and now it's time to let the words flow. Writing is my gift to myself. It replenishes my soul, my spirit, my life.

Halloween Trilogy: Part Two

Attended the short story writing class this week and received feedback on the 1000 word short story Rat Plagued Hobgoblins. I have reworked it, adding some Scottish phrases to make the setting - rural Scotland in the early 20th century - clearer for the reader. I originally did a little research on hobgoblins and found these little helpers are part of Scottish Folklore. Although I hinted at the Scottish origins, several of my classmates felt readers needed more to indicate the setting. I've posted the revised story on the shot story page. This week I turned in the third story for the halloween trilogy - Immodest Witches - for critique. I will add it to the short story page after receiving feedback.

Halloween Trilogy: Part One

I rose to the challenge and wrote not one but three 1000 word short stories with a halloween theme. The first, I Hate My Costume, is post on the short story page. Another - Rat Plagued Hobgoblins - is currently under critique by my short story writing class members. I will post it after incorporating their feedback. The third story is ready for class critique this week. Very satisfying to accomplish a challenge.
See Short Story page for I Hate My Costume short story.
See Dubious Grief page update on Hospice Volunteer training experience.

Story Plot

 In my writing class this week, a guest lecturer, Bruce Holland Rogers, spoke about story PLOT - and provided several different examples. After writing my first rough draft I will think about story plot - as way to organize the story and increase the tension. I sometimes have difficulty knowing how much and where to put back story. Concentrating on story plot should help me think more effectively about where and how much back story is needed. Thank you Bruce Holland Rogers!
I revised Revenge the first short story from my writing class and added it to the short story page. Enjoy!

Short Story Page

Writing short stories is fun. My challenge this writing term is to  write a short story a week. After getting feedback from my class I will post the revised short story on this new page. The first story is the letter to my  mother from the now deleted page "My Mother's Husband."

Making progress...

I am making progress with my challenge to write a short halloween theme story of 1,000 words. I have written drafts for two of the four themes. This week I intend to submit one to my fellow classmates for feedback. This past week my classmates provided me with excellent critiques on the first story I submitted - Revenge - based on the in class exercise "heart on the page." What a thoughtful group of writers I am lucky to have as classmates.
See new post on Dubious Grief page.

1,000 word short story challenge

Whether I can write a 1,000 word short story using one of the following titles: "Immodest Witches" "Hobgoblins" "Black Cat Talks Back" or "I Hate this Costume" - remains to be seen. The idea was presented in my short story class by instructor Nina Hoffman. I have never written a story based on anything other than my own imagination. I am a "seat of the pants" writer and rarely know where a story will take me. So my challenge for October is to write one of these short stories. None of the titles calls to me so it is difficult to choose one. My strategy is to work with word association clusters and see where this strategy leads me. I've also done a bit of research on Hobgoblins - since I was not familiar with these little guys from Scottish folklore. Wish me luck as I pursue this writing challenge.

Heart on the page...

I attended the first short story writing class of the fall term this past week. Instructor Nina Hoffman brings such great energy and inspiration to students. Writing a 20 minute riff "put your heart on the page" - write about a childhood experience where you felt terror, shame, or revenge - prompted students to dig deep into intense emotions from childhood. Nina asked for volunteers to read their pieces. Almost every student shared their writing - very intense experiences. The exercise and sharing created a bond of trust among us, a bond that will allow us to freely share our writing throughout the semester. Thank you Nina!
See Riffs page for my "heart on the page" story.
See Novel Ideas page for my latest insights about Out from the Fog

Short Stories from a 1950s childhood

I signed up for the short story writing class at Lane Community College. My goal is to write a short story each week and workshop it with my classmates. I've come up with a theme for the pieces set in the 1950's when I grew up in a working class, poor, inner city neighborhood. I experienced the changing nature of my childhood neighborhood - white flight. I was born in 1946, lived in the neighborhood until I was twelve. Over those years whites moved out as African Americans moved in. My family moved when the house we rented was sold by the heirs of the original owner. Reflecting on the changes in my small neighborhood over twelve years should provide insight and understanding about that era.

So many choices...

With Dubious Grief resting and the fall term approaching, it is time to choose a writing class to move my writing forward. Two classes interest me - both of which I have taken previously - Novel Writing and Short Story Writing. I must decided which class will motivate me to engage with my fiction pieces already in progress. So many choices - too little time.
See new entries on Novel Ideas & Dubious Grief pages.

Revision done!

Yesterday I completed revisions on Dubious Grief that I started a few weeks ago. Now I can turn my full attention to creating new writing pieces. I've thought about a few essays related to grieving I want to write - issues such as: Is grieving a mental illness? I'd like to get a few essays published so I will concentrate in this nonfiction writing area for awhile longer.
I continue working of several fiction pieces - revising a novel and writing short stories based on my experiences growing up in the 1950's with my two sisters. And I continue writing pieces for my humorous book - which gives me so much fun and laughter after all the grief and pain.

Dubious Greif Book Proposal sent

Yesterday, two weeks following the Willamette Writers Conference, I sent off my book proposal as requested. Now I wait for a response from the publisher as I revise the manuscript. I remember a colleague in graduate school saying that 90% of writing is rewriting. So true. Most non-writers fail to realize that once you've written your "book" you begin the real writing; revising, tightening, polishing, and then doing it all again and again. New writing projects help keep the repetitive nature of constant revisions from dulling my mind. What keeps me writing is the joy of it all.

Successful Willamette Writers conference

I had a great time at the Willamette Writers Conference. Did you know Willamette Writers is the largest writers’ organization in Oregon and one of the largest in the United States? Founded in Portland in 1965, it has grown to over 1,800 members with branches in Southern Oregon, Mid-Valley, Salem and the Oregon Coast. Great place to network with other writers. Best session I attended was "Power Networking" presented by Julie Fast. It is great to know in-person networking lives on and is the best way to make connections. I pitched Dubious Grief: a memoir to Sage Publications - Krista Lyons asked for my book proposal. Yeah! Now I'm revising the proposal and will send it off in a week or so. 

Willamette Writer's Conference

I'm ready! Practiced my book pitch with several folks - got my 1 page document ready - and printed a copy of my book proposal. With only one day, Saturday, at the Willamette Writer's three-day conference, I've chosen workshops with honing my skills in mind - all about editors, power networking for writers, the web was made for writers, and book proposal boot camp. Networking, is my top priority. Ready to face the world of writers. Now I have several days to just relax and not think about preparations. Willamette Writer's conference in Portland, August 3,4, & 5.

Pitching Dubious Grief

I've worked hard during the past several months preparing for the Willamette Writer's Conference. I will pitch my book - Dubious Grief - attend workshops, and network, network, network. My book proposal is ready to send to those who request it. All of the research I've done preparing the book proposal has increased my confidence in the unique features of my book. Anyone who wants to pitch their book needs to prepare - do the research, write a proposal, and practice, practice, practice the pitch. I have been fortunate to have another writer willing to look over my materials, to listen to and help me refine my pitch presentation. No matter the outcome I know I have done everything possible to prepare for the opportunity to successfully pitch my book.

Preparing for the Willamette Writers conference in a few weeks - revising my book proposal for Dubious Grief, and thinking about my pitch.
Writing a few new pieces - short stories from the 1960's and 1970's. Recently read stories in Ray Bradbury's A Pleasure to Burn collection of short stories. Discovered an example of two short story revisions which ultimately became part of Fahrenheit 451. I was inspired to see how he incorporated similes and metaphors and what her cut and added to these to pieces - food for thought as I revise several short pieces with a longer piece in mind.

Ending as closure...

I took time away from writing to figure out how to end Dubious Grief. With the Willamette Writers Conference a month a way, I wanted to complete the final chapters but needed to resolve my dilemma about my never ending grieving. So I wrote a riff - (see writing riff page on blog) and was then able to come to terms with ending my memoir. Yes - my grieving will continue but I found the closure I needed to end the book. Sometimes all I need to do is to stop to find closure. Now I begin revising the book proposal and the manuscript.

No end to grief

Searching for an ending to Dubious Grief - when still locked in the process of grieving. Trying to end the memoir while I know my grieving is not done. How to accomplish this perplexes me - my mind noodles through many possibilities. My promise to readers - ending the book on a hopeful note - is difficult to fulfill when my grieving journey continues. Drafting many versions of the "final chapter" only leads to more confusion. Perhaps as the title suggests, grieving is dubious - uncertain - never ending. I continue to write, write, write searching for the end. Selfishly I need to let this grief go.

Inspiration from Ray Bradbury

Thursday was the final novel writing class for the term. I look forward to writing but will miss the feedback from workshopping my words. My most pressing writing remains the nonfiction book proposal for the Willamette Writers conference the first weekend in August. Other summer projects include writing and revising short stories I began last summer. Inspired by Ray Bradbury's challenge to write every day, I will honor his memory as I write, write, write throughout the summer.

Writing fiction keeps me moving along...

Writing scenes and story-boarding a new novel keeps my creative juices flowing while I write and revise my nonfiction book proposal. Playing with new story ideas keeps me writing, especially because my new novel has lots of humor. After over a year dealing with Dubious Grief it is great to laugh while I write (instead of weeping). Thanks to all my novel writing classmates for suggesting ways to improve the new story and keeping the laughs coming.

Memoirs about grief...

Writing the "about the competition" section of Dubious Grief book proposal. I had not read any memoirs about grieving until I'd finished a complete draft and some revisions to my book. I didn't want what others had written to influence my own story. Now I read and see similarities and differences between Dubious Grief and other memoirs about grief. I also have a solid sense about the unique contribution my book provides. Very satisfying.

MemoirFest Event

Yesterday I attended a day long "MemiorFest" event sponsored by the Center for the Study of Women in Society (CSWS) at the University of Oregon. What a wonderful event. Morning panelists shared their insights about writing their memoirs. Lots of opportunities for audience members' questions and networking opportunities at round table discussions. The afternoon presenters focused on questions about the state of Memoir - legal issues as well as debates within the field. Lots of things to think about as I continue revising Dubious Grief and write my book proposal.

Revising Book Proposal

Preparing for the August Willamette Writers Conference by revising Dubious Grief book proposal. I plan to pitch the book at the conference. Nonfiction Book Proposals Anybody Can Write (Elizabeth Lyon, 2002) is a great resource. It provides me with the structure for revising and improving my book proposal. This is my number one writing priority as I prepare for the conference.

Willamette Writers Conference

This week I received the 2012 Willamette Writers Conference catalogue. I've saved my pennies all year in order to attend the entire three days. Now I revise my creative nonfiction materials - synopsis, 3 minute elevator talk, and chose folks to send materials for critiquing and one-on-one pitch sessions. Lots to do before August. For more information on the conference go to www.willamettewriters.com or call 503.305.6729. I'm so looking forward to three days mingling with other writers.

Unwritten words...

I've not written a word for the past week - barely even read anything. Flu got me good. Last night as I struggled to fall asleep - all these story themes swirled around in my brain - keeping me from sleep. Don't ask me today what any of these story themes were; maybe a riff will unlock them. I guess it's just something that happens when a writer is prevented from letting her words out. Today I will write, write, write...

Timing is everything...

Thursday this past week I attended the monthly willamette writers meeting in Eugene. The speaker Elizabeth Lyon - talked about revising manuscripts. Very exciting since revising Dubious Grief is exactly what I'm about to tackle. Great timing for me. Also, the Center for the Study of Women in Society at the University of Oregon will have a "Memoir Fest" symposium in May. Timing is everything in the book world. Now I plunge into revisions - and look forward to the day long symposium.

From endings to new beginnings

Releasing the last of Glen's ashes at the coast was a watershed event in my writing. (see dubious grief page). I rolled along releasing my words. Part two of my memoir is written. Releasing the ashes, clearing out the final items, letting go transferred into letting my words go too. I will take a break from writing the final part of my memoir while I revise and edit. I'm looking forward to new writing. Spring term I turn my attention back to writing fiction. New words will fill my pages.

Patterns and themes...

This week I made a lot of progress with the second section of my book on grieving. Had to think things through, figure out themes emerging from years one and two following my husband's death. It has been difficult reading my journal entries from this time - stirred up those painful emotions of sorrow, abandonment, loss. I'd already identified many critical scenes, but had not yet figured out the patterns reflected in these scenes - keeping busy, filling the time so I wouldn't feel the pain of loss; meltdowns when I was crippled by my grief; isolation from others to sustain the magical thinking he was not really gone, forever. Next I searched for the ways I overcame these barriers - making changes to my physical environment; reconnecting socially; evoking difficult and painful emotions in a safe environment (through music, dreams); and at last seeking help. I feel empowered to write through my pain, and put the pieces of my grieving puzzle together.

Letters from 1978...

Sorting through the last of Glen's stuff in the front closet I found two letters I'd written to him in September 1978. We'd just moved to Santa Barbara where I'd attend graduate school. He'd gone to Utah for a hang gliding tournament. The letters jolted my memory about those days long ago. A story idea formed. I think about those days when I was young, in love, and yet lost in a world I couldn't quite understand. So an unexpected find from the past provides the thread for a new short story. And off I go, letting the story unfold.

Letting go to write...

Writing the second part of Dubious Grief - Left Behind - has required me to reorganize the structure for this part of the book. At first my fear of reliving the emotions of being left behind left me unable to write. So I reread the journal sections from March 2009 through August 2010. I did this reluctantly because I knew I'd re-experience those emotions of loss. I persisted. An important insight emerged. The turning point in my ability to move forward, to begin creating a life worth living without Glen, came with my ability to simply "let go." Letting go didn't mean I would forget Glen. It meant I let go of living in the past - living in the memories of my life with Glen. My goal now is to identify those times when I moved out of the past and into a future. Now I write scenes leading to these moments.

Writing about my words...

An interesting week writing. The writing class assignment was to write a description of my memoir in just one sentence. Here is what I wrote: Dubious Grief reflects a journey of loss caused by the death of a loved one, grief at being left behind, and growth through creating a new life. It took several revisions to come up with one sentence, but I think it works. I adapted this from a one paragraph description of the book.

Dubious Grief describes the anguish of losing a loved one to death. Loss begins with the diagnosis of a terminal illness - lung cancer. A year of medical treatment -chemotherapy, radiation, and narcotics to manage pain, leads to the inevitable outcome - physical death. With death comes the realization that the one you love has left you behind. All you want is to be with the one you love. It is not a death wish; you don’t want to be alone, in this world, without him. Dubious grief is not knowing if or when grief will end. Will the longing not to be alone ever end or will it simply exist for the rest of your life. Anger, sorrow, shame, guilt occur. Isolation, withdrawal from the social world happens. In time you reestablish social connections. Each person’s journey through loss, grief, and creation of a new life is different. Eventually you find a way to create a new life.

The exercise helped me hone in on a way to talk about the book.

Magical Dialogue...

I hit a wall with my writing. Stopped when I tried to write the second part of Dubious Grief. The section called "Left Behind." The problem was creating scenes. I had isolated myself from others. I'd moved into my own office at work. No check-in chats with my officemate. I didn't talk with others about my grief. How could I write scenes? I didn't want to write "in my own head" scenes. I needed to figure out a way to get others into my scenes. I wrote "Balloon Talk" (see Dubious Grief page) to explore a way to create dialogue and write a scene depicting my time of isolation.

Waves...

I spent the week frustrated, unable to write much. This week during the memoir writing class we talked about metaphors. Dubious Grief - waves as the primary metaphor. With loss, come the sneaker waves, unseen until I'm simply crushed, not knowing why. Then, moving into grief, I'm aware of the waves but can't get out of the way. I'm paralyzed, only able to hang on tightly . I'm again crushed by the waves. And then, I begin to grow. Aware that the waves are coming, I let go and ride the waves. Now I begin again to write. I know the waves will carry me along.

Write, revise, edit...

This week I brought another piece of writing for critiquing by my memoir writing class. I always learn so much for these critiques of my writing. I reviewed the writing I'd done over the past several weeks and applied the critique comments to what I'd written. Very very helpful. I compiled the 14 revised pieces and will send these out this week to a few folks who've agreed to read my work. The fourteen pieces completed Part I of Dubious Grief. I now turn to writing Part II pieces. Just have to keep writing, revising, and editing. My goal is to self publish early 2013.

Self publishing...

This month the Mid Valley Willamette Writers meeting hosted Tina Boscha who talked about her journey from traditional publishing to self publishing her work. I agree with her that one big advantage to self publishing is that authors get to keep control over their writing. Until recently, very recently in fact, self publishing was stigmatized. Self published books often had poor cover art, less than superior writing, and authors who pursued this publishing path were labeled "losers!" Not so today. With less than a $1,000 investment Tina, an award winning writer, published her first novel. There is no waiting for rejections from agents, publishers that tie up your work for years. Self publishing means you, the author, take charge of the entire process. Host a web site, gather reviews, hire someone to create your cover design and someone to create a custom web theme, buy formatting softwear. You can publish both in paper and e-book. Love the idea of having this option.

Grief is not a mental illness

In the news (sic) this week was a report that the DSM-V (diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) may include grief as a mental disorder. Currently grief is excluded from the DSM. Yes, after the loss of my husband, I was depressed, my cognitive functioning declined, and I was crazy with grief - but I was not mentally ill. It took many months for me to regain a sense of "well being" and move on with my life. Deep sorrow resulting from the loss of a loved one is a natural process. We weep, we become withdrawn, we act irrationally - but these are natural reactions to loss. I hate the thought that "scientist" are trying to turn this natural process into a clinical problem, to be treated with drugs. Drugs do not help you recover from grief; drugs inhibit you from feeling the sorrow. If you aren't able to feel the emotions of grief, you can not heal.

Class critique

Last week I brought my 5 pages of writing to the memoir class. I wanted to see if the structure for presenting my story works - description/backstory, scene, journal entry, exposition. The backstory was a description of Glen's health decline, the scene set in the doctor's office when the diagnosis of lung cancer was delivered, the journal entry was my reaction to the diagnosis, and the exposition from my POV about what lay ahead. My classmates were encouraging - liked the cool voice of description, the scene - filled with CSD (concrete sensory detail) worked well, the journal entry captured the emotional impact (some noted the poetic quality of this writing), only the exposition didn't seem to work. So I move forward with this structure, writing scenes and thinking about the exposition for each piece.

Writing Scenes...

Started my memoir writing class this past week. Two important things happened. First I realized (I know this should have been obvious, but alas it wasn't) that the POV character, is ME - this is my grieving journey. Second important realization was the importance of writing scenes. Scenes are the story. Scenes involve the reader in the story, drawing them in, helping them understand what my grief felt and looked like, and what grief did to MY life. I wrote a difficult scene this week - the scene in the doctor's office when I first heard the words "LUNG CANCER" that would forever change me, my life, and my whole world. I now move forward writing scenes, glimpses of my life, filled with confidence that what I write will connect with others.

writing with gusto

I'm rereading Ray Bradbury's "Zen in the Art of Writing" and was struck with his words about writing with gusto. Yes - passion in my writing is what I aim toward, putting down the words that capture my emotions, my spirit. I tuck these words inside my head - write with gusto - with joy, heartache, rage, and every emotion I've ever felt. If I'm not having fun writing, what's the point? So I let my emotions drive my writing - because I write to fulfill myself.

New post in Dubious Grief page.

New Year, New writing Projects

I've continued writing short scenes during the holiday season. As the new year begins, my goal is a first complete content edit for my proposed book, Dubious Grief. First draft was completed December 1, so after sitting on the draft for a month I feel ready to overhaul the content. I'm taking a memoir writing class this term in order to get feedback on the content, style, format, and of course my writing as I revise the draft. Now that I have several ongoing writing projects, I can continue writing fun stuff as I buckle down and edit Dubious Grief.